(On Running) #15 How Running Breeds Self-Love

After my Saturday long run

Over the past 12 weeks, I have written, plainly, about putting one foot in front of the other each day. Every step is proof of progress, a sign of growth, and a measurable metric for change. Continuing to pursue difficult marathon goals has inspired me to be the best version of myself. 

Despite my growth, I often find it difficult to keep moving forward. One of my favorite quotes is "Comparison is the thief of joy." In running, there will always be someone faster, someone ahead of where I am today. I have found this out in races, where I place high but never high enough. I run fast but never fast enough. I train hard but never hard enough. It begs the question: is it ever enough?

The problem, clearly, is that I am a recovering perfectionist. Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. It can inspire moments of brilliance, the satisfaction of a job well-done. And, it can create self-doubt, decision paralysis, and keep me stuck. Perfectionism is the impetus of ambition and the harbinger of defeat. 

When I set out on my running journey, I quickly set the highly ambitious goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. It was, in many ways, the perfect goal. Running Boston would be proof of success, a crowning achievement in my young running career. It would be redemption for my younger self who hadn't put in the time required to be truly great at something. 

When I realized I was running to prove to myself I was capable of hard things, something began to shift. I fell in love with the process, the small sacrifices, that come with a Boston Qualifying goal. It was no longer about the goal—it was never about the goal. It was the early wake-ups, the evening wind-down routine, the healthy meal prep. The Nuun hydration tablet I put in my water every morning, instead of drinking coffee. Developing the discipline required to live a life I am proud of.

My attention to detail and commitment to growth has fostered self-love that I continue to nourish each day. While a BQ would be the "perfect" achievement, I have found that the process of challenging myself to be better every day is the true ideal I aspire to. What better is depends on the day. Whether it is negative-splitting an interval workout or simply getting out the door in the morning, I crave progress. It is impossible not to progress when I commit to always do my best, to give everything I have. And when everything I have causes me to fall short of my goal, that is okay. That's when the love truly grows. 

I suppose that qualifying for Boston was never about being perfect—it is about being my best. I know I am capable of it. Now, it is about trusting the process, making the small sacrifices, and ultimately giving it everything I have. Whether I succeed or fail, I will persist with putting one foot in front of the other.

Week 13: Training Summary (Baystate 2026)

48.76 miles | 6h 4 min workout | 1,503 ft elevation gain

(E) = Easy | (W) = Workout | (L) = Long 

Monday (E): 5.86 miles | 7:39/mi | 423 ft elevation gain | 5:29 PM

Tuesday (E): 7.19 miles | 7:35/mi | 354 ft elevation gain | 5:00 PM

Wednesday (W): Track Workout | 8.96 miles | 5:29 PM 

The guided track workouts are over. This is a workout Claude designed, based on my prior training. It felt good.

• 1.5 mile warm up
• 800m tempo
• Stretches and strides
• Workout: 6 x 1000m @ 10K (400m jog recovery)
• S1: 3:45
• S2: 3:41
• S3: 3:40
• S4: 3:41
• S5: 3:39
• S6: 3:36
• 1.75 mile cool down

I've never raced a 10K, but I imagine my pace would hover slightly below 6:00/mile pace, which is what I did here. Whenever I finish a workout with my fastest interval, I consider it a success. I love the jog recovery between intervals—the extra endurance is appreciated. 

Thursday (E): 5.70 miles | 8:23/mi | 85 ft elevation gain | 6:24 PM

Marathon Sports run club. Social runs are the best! Great to catch up with folks I haven't seen in a while.

Friday (E): 5.04 miles | 7:49/mi | 344 ft elevation gain | 4:51 PM

Saturday (L): 16 miles | 7:00/mi | 282 ft elevation gain | 8:03 AM

Did this one in a group of four. All are very fast and push me to be faster. This is the fastest average pace I have held on a long run this block. 

Started off steady for the first 10 miles, which we held between 7:10-7:15/mi. I had been planning to pick it up at Mile 12, but we took off at Mile 10 instead. Was down to half marathon pace (6:10-6:15/mi) for a mile or two, before backing off. It became a fartlek rather than a controlled pick up, but it was still considerably faster than the beginning, including an especially fast finish.

This is exactly the kind of long run I find useful before running a half marathon—which I will be next Sunday. It was comfortably hard, and built confidence at holding half marathon pace on tired legs. 

Insights on Improvement

Recovering from last week's illness (read more here) and ramping training back up is a challenging balance to hold, especially when one week out from a half marathon. 

I will be running the Tree House half, my second race at that distance. I ran a 1:25:24 last October and expect to comfortably PR. The elevation gain is 511 ft, which is 300+ ft less than my first half. The bulk of this is at Mile 10, with a daunting 150+ foot climb. 

I will be treating this race as a hard workout, but still give it my all. I expect that I have the fitness to attempt sub 1:21. If I can achieve this, it will build considerable confidence for a BQ attempt, which is now six weeks out. 

Stay tuned every Sunday for insights into my training towards a sub 2:48:00 marathon!

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Ryan K. Beck can be reached at rkbeck.writing@gmail.com